It Makes a Fellow Proud to be a Minister

Angry police wear angry t-shirts, just like civilians

The heart of everyone in my department fills with pride
For the civil service, the cream of which is working at my side
But anyone I hear question my policy design
Then when I make employment cuts, they’ll be the first in line

Now, ministers try to do their part, defending you and me
While soldiers fight and bleed and kill and die for liberty
They’re certain what they need to do
Is arm the Muslims and the Jews
It makes a fellow proud to be a minister

When the Bullingdon lot were studying, they’d run nude into a shop
Now their briefs are ministerial, and they were glad to swap
A little bit of partying
For something much more damaging
It makes a fellow proud to be a minister

One MP, he had an office near the whips
He was a minister through and through when he was done
The propaganda so severe
That he found in future years
All he needed to write speeches was The Sun

Now, Eric loves his localism, it’s not the only way, you see
But it’s his favourite way to shirk all his responsibilities
Still, he fights with councils every day
For not respecting his au-thoritay
It makes a fellow proud to be a minister

Our minister’s second homes are rarely damaged by the floods
While thousands more are stood up to their necks in all the mud
But there’s no money to invest
In flood defences, East or West
It makes a fellow proud to be a minister

The Home Sec-u-tary’s brains must have been looted in the riots
It’s the only explanation for her allergy to science
She’s handed studies every day
But does what she wants anyway
It makes a fellow proud to be a minister

Young Danny is an up-and-coming type
Had a plan when just a boy, you sure can bet
Oh, he wants to save the Earth
From the others, they’re the worst!
But he hasn’t been re-elected yet

Our Foreign Minister has a handicap to cope with, sad to tell
He’s from Yorkshire, and he doesn’t speak the language very well
He used to be, so rumour has
A heavy drinker as a lad
It makes a fellow proud to be a minister

Cabinet has got to be the least efficient public service
But ask about their pensions and it makes them oh-so nervous
They say they’re gonna sort this mess
Then save themselves, and screw the rest
It makes a fellow proud to be
Opinionless for all to see
What luck to be allowed to be a minister


With thanks to Tom Lehrer


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